Metaphorically, you could think of life like a garden. We have an idea of how we want it to look like and we can be meticulous in our planning and our actions. However, life has a tendency to grow a 'few weeds' sporadically which at times can feel a little out of control. The garden can sometimes not look its best but there are also times when that garden blooms.

In essence, our 'garden/life' is beautiful and life can be incredibly good but like a garden, there are times when life doesn't always turn out as we planned. In the grief garden, grief takes time, nevertheless never give up hope, even when the clouds are dark and the grief within the garden seems a little unruly. Take it hour by hour and day by day; acknowledge both the good days and the bad days and more importantly never give up hope.

It is true, time is a healer, however, you cannot forget time nor can you erase it, it simply always exists. What time does provide is the space to explore your emotions and to start to understand how to live alongside them rather than behind them. The secret is to learn to find the light in the darkness but at the same time, appreciating that life is like the sun and moon, there will always be darkness and there will also be light, it is an eternal circle of life and the two have to work together in order to create the day.

Now, imagine, you are standing in a big field, the grass around you is tall, the sun is shining and there isn't a cloud in the sky. You can hear birds singing and the rustle of the branches on the trees around you and in the distance the faint sounds of children happily playing. You can feel the warmth of the evening sun on your face but with a gentle breeze which takes away the summer heat. You take a deep breath in and let out all the stressors of your day, you close your eyes and take in all the senses around you. You feel a sense of serenity and peace, like the world you live in is somehow over the horizon and that life in that moment is perfect.

Then imagine, one day whilst you are standing in that field with life passing you by, you experience a sudden loss or bereavement. A loss and/or bereavement can at first feel like someone has suddenly taken away all those wonderful feelings of warmth, tranquillity, and happiness. It can initially feel incredibly overwhelming and there may be a sense of not knowing how to respond, act or even talk. What was 'normal' is now the opposite of 'normal', the serene field you were standing in now feels very different, it almost feels colder and uninviting.

A loss and/or grief is something which never truly leaves you as a person, it can sit harmlessly in the background of your life or it can be all-consuming and dominate everyday living, nonetheless it is part of who you are and it sits alongside the rest of life's journey. For me personally, my 'serene field' now looks a little different to before. You can't go 'back to normal', as normal isn't there anymore, however the 'new-normal' adapts.

The field you once stood in is still sunny and warm, it still feels peaceful and is still a place of tranquillity, however it is also now a field with an area of reflection and a specific area which is dedicated to the loss or losses you have experienced. When you stand in your 'field', you will know that the loss is there and occasionally you will walk over to sit there for a little while to reflect and think about the losses it represents.

That area of the field is who you are and in time knowing that it's okay to visit that sadness and to reflect on those losses is important as it keeps a sense of feeling grounded and allows you to appreciate the rest of your life and the fact that there are areas of your life which are still meaningful. It is important to remember that bereavement is not an illness it is a reaction to grief and whilst it can manifest in very real physiological and psychological symptoms, they are all entirely normal and part of grieving process.

Society in general needs to be highlighting that in the event of a death, it is okay to be sad and to experience the emotions associated with the loss of a loved one and that it is in fact more harmful to 'bottle up the feelings' and overlook the innate need to grieve. The great British 'Keep Calm and Carry on' philosophy may be a good witticism, but in reality we need to be recognising that grieving is not straight-forward and even the most resilient of people can sometimes need support.

Eliminating the stigma attached to asking for help and increasing awareness are key to ensuring that the needs of bereaved people are met. Grief is not easy, it cannot be rushed, nor can it be ignored, it is the pain of grief which ultimately gets us through those emotional times and is also the grief that makes us stronger.