Useful counselling articles

Grief is like an emotional wound to the heart. Imagine you have a wound to your heart; it's bleeding and it hurts so you put a plaster on it. The bleeding stops and for a while the plaster is covering the wound. On the outside, there are no longer any visible signs of the wound (pain... [read more]

Metaphorically, you could think of life like a garden. We have an idea of how we want it to look like and we can be meticulous in our planning and our actions. However, life has a tendency to grow a 'few weeds' sporadically which at times can feel a little out of control. The garden can... [read more]

Over a lifetime, we travel down the ‘river of life' and whilst we often experience a few ‘rapids' and a ‘few waves', we navigate through them and seem to find a way through those difficult times. When we experience a bereavement, its more than just a few waves or rapids, it's a waterfall. Sometimes, we see the... [read more]

In today's world, it's common to feel overwhelmed by the many demands of daily life. From the rising cost of living to the pressures of work and personal relationships, it's no surprise that more and more people are experiencing stress and anxiety. Fortunately, therapy can be an effective tool for managing these challenges and helping individuals... [read more]

I bet everyone at some point of their life has been thrown back to the ground by reality and watched his/her high plans for the future fading away, relentlessly. Especially my favourite: "New Year Resolutions' '. Have we not all been there? Focus on passions, start exercising, stop gossiping, start reading, and so on, and over... [read more]

Anxiety and fear is an appropriate response to something that could be harmful either physically or emotionally. The list of situations where people are living in anxiety and fear is a long one, from bullying in the workplace, domestic abuse, to countries where bombs are raining down to refugees in tiny boats crossing the English Channel. But... [read more]

AM I CAUGHT UP IN A FANTASY BOND?   Behind our fear of intimacy, we may live out a fantasy bond as a substitute for a loving relationship Most people have certain fears of intimacy and can become self-protective yet at the same time fear being alone. Our solution to this dilemma is to form a fantasy bond which... [read more]

My philosophy of counselling is quite simple: have faith in the person and have faith in the process. It is a simple philosophy, but one which I feel has served me, and more importantly, my clients, well to date. The subject of this case study, referred to as “Bear” (not his real name) was referred to me... [read more]

It is surprising and saddening hearing kind-hearted and levelled clients be hard on themselves for behaviours that are not socially desirable, i.e.: having an extra drink at a party and getting a little drunk, having casual sex, having an argument with a loved one, calling in sick at work on a bad day, etc. These are... [read more]

"I was angry!  So angry... I began stabbing at the cornflakes packet with my spoon when I was ten.  Then I took to writing big angry words on the cardboard - nasty words, swear words.  Then I felt better.  So I tore then up.  I found solace in writing large angry words on paper (toilet paper included).  I... [read more]

We often develop unhelpful stories when we are young and unable to emotionally process what is happening. These stories are developed to help us cope at the time but often end up becoming thorns in our side as we grow older. We struggle to develop healthy relationships or commit to things but we don’t understand why.... [read more]

Doing well at school is a worry all youngsters have to contend with – but are schoolchildren in Cambridge more stressed than we thought? It could be so, after it emerged children as young as 6 are now being treated for stress by professionals, with the pressure of taking school tests cited as one of the... [read more]

If your relationship has left you hurt, bewildered, confused, bitter, disappointed, angry, rejected, broke, broken, or any or all of those, you may be feeling as if you will never get over it. You will, with a little help or a lot of time. Feeling as if your heart is broken is one of the hardest things to cope... [read more]

If you're wondering whether you suffer from depression, the following text will help you to clear your doubts and answer the question… What is depression? We all feel sad or under the weather at times, but we only talk about depression when these feelings are prolonged, or when they are so strong that they impair our normal way... [read more]

I’ve been reflecting a lot on the nature and impact of kindness this week. When someone is kind to us, we can have two reactions - we can accept it and soak in the gift, or we can feel uncomfortable - unworthy somehow. How we receive kindness can say a lot about how we were raised and... [read more]

Introduction Having worked within a number of local authorities in various capacities, I have identified some important issues in counselling within the care system and also the educational establishment. Many children who come into care arrive either as young babies or children or as adolescence around the ages of 12 upwards. Many would have experienced some... [read more]

Have you recently had a baby? Are you struggling with feeling low and are often tearful or feel emotionally overwhelmed? You could be suffering from Post Natal Depression, something that affects one in every three new mums in the U.K. alone.  What is Post Natal Depression? Post Natal Depression is the name given to the onset of depressive... [read more]

Mum, Dad, I would like 20 mins of your active presence and that means looking at me and really attuning to what I am saying without reacting to what I say. If I am still angry and talking about it has not calmed me down, I suggest you come back in 20 mins and hopefully I... [read more]

How exactly do you leave work at five and not think about it until the next morning? Is that possible when you’ve an important presentation at nine the next morning in front of the entire senior management team? What if when you’re in the middle of a grievance procedure, which always seem to take forever? Of course... [read more]

Acceptance and Commitment therapy or ACT The goal of ACT is to create a rich and meaningful life, while accepting the pain that goes with it. It is only through mindful action that we can create a meaningful life. ACT is a mindfulness-based behavioural therapy that utilises a mix of metaphor, mindfulness skills along with a wide... [read more]

What is Empathy? Empathy has been described in different ways: walking in another's shoes, entering into another person's frame of reference or having the ability to experience life as the other person does by entering the person's world of thoughts, feelings, emotions and meanings. In counselling, empathy is an expression of the regard and respect the counsellor holds... [read more]

Work related stress is an increasingly common issue in today’s busy society. Health and Safety Executive figures for 2013/2014 indicate that ‘Stress, depression or anxiety and musculoskeletal disorders accounted for the majority of days lost due to work-related ill health.’  Many employees have work targets to meet, colleagues to compete with, promotions to attain as well as... [read more]

The Lonely People   ‘All the lonely people where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong?’ The Beatles The lonely people come from another universe where ironically they are never alone. Love is everywhere, everybody loves everybody else, all decisions are made from a place of love. There is nothing but love, it's... [read more]

One only has to open up the paper to see the devastating consequences of war and the refugees spilling into northern Europe from war-torn countries. Some of these, if not all will be victims of trauma. Alas, you do not have to be a refugee to suffer trauma. The long-term effects of trauma. Trauma can be a devastating... [read more]

Whilst menopause is a totally natural life transition it can be a difficult time for many women. The physical changes and symptoms can be pervasive and disruptive. So often the timing is significant as it can coincide with the children growing up and possibly flying the nest so an element of re-evaluation of life, roles and routine... [read more]

Teenagers & Divorce When we are trying to assess the affect of family break up on children and young people one of the things we must of course take into account is their ages.  A five year old may worry.....”Who will look after me?  How, where and how often will I see my Daddy?  Who will read... [read more]

Anger is one of the most basic human emotions. Our beliefs about anger and the way we relate to the angry part of ourselves is shaped by how others react to our anger when we are growing up. Children often act out their feelings of anger because they don't have the language to externalise it. The... [read more]

Anxiety is something all human beings experience. It's a useful survival strategy to help us concentrate, see things through until the end and keep ourselves and others safe. When we experience anxiety temporarily we are able to manage the intensification, peak and subsidence – like a wave (that is present with all feelings if we don't... [read more]

“Passive aggressive” is a term that has become more widely used, yet understanding and explaining what that means can be as frustrating as living or working with someone who is passive aggressive. The frustration often comes about because the passive aggressive person's indirect expression of hostility is not honestly owned by them. The recipient of the... [read more]

“I watch the ripples change their size, but never leave the stream of warm impermanence. So the days float through my eyes, but still the days seem the same.[1]” I’ve no doubt, that when David Bowie wrote “Changes”, he was referring in part to the evolution of his own dynamic history. But like all great artists gifted... [read more]